A Life for a Life: The Goldfish Theory
Une vie pour une vie.
I’ve been trying to find the words to express how
devastating the events of last weekend in Paris, Beirut, Lebanon (and the
world) have been. But, like most of us, the only emotion one can feel at the
moment is that of utter helplessness. Anger, frustration, sorrow and fear are
all secondary. It is extremely difficult to be optimistic when the world is
falling apart around you, no longer the safe haven it was in your mind. We have
no choice but to accept the reality of these very horrors- the crack in the glass
fishbowl.
There is nothing poetic and beautiful in loss. The
romanticism of sorrow by poets and authors makes a mockery of life. Sorrow is
not beautiful. But what it brings out from within a writer- that is what’s
beautiful. I’ve been trying to string together words to express the emotions I
feel, in support of all of us fighting the war for peace. Words may be a
powerful weapon; especially words of solidarity- but these words mean so little
when we’re a little too late. These words will not bring back all the lives
lost. These words will not heal the hearts that bled for the loss of their
loved ones. However, these words shall be an ode to humanity and all the
beliefs that it stands for. These words shall represent why we all need each
other now more than ever.
Life is life and fun
is fun, but it's all so quiet when the goldfish die.
— West with the
Night, Beryl Markham
Once upon a time, there lived two goldfish in a fishbowl.
They kept swimming just as Dory had instructed them to. Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming. Round and round in circles they went- a story with no
beginning, middle or end. They were like flashes of love in a mirage of gold.
They were on an adventure! They weren’t lost in that drop of the ocean; but they
were finding themselves. Most of the time, though, they were concerned about
their own lives- exploring the ornamental bridge, playing in the gravel and
watching out for driftwood. Goldfish
don’t get lonely. Many of the longest living goldfish had lived perfectly happily
alone in aquaria. But in this particular fishbowl, lived two goldfish like no
other. They had each other’s presence to enjoy- but it wasn’t enough. It could
never be enough! But, it just so happened to be enough to keep each other from
drowning. And, like waves, their energies ebbed and flowed from one tiny
goldfish heart to another-to never once step out of the beat. And the two
goldfish circled the fishbowl, in a never-ending chase, happy to be going
nowhere.
We are the two goldfish. The world is our fishbowl.
Goldfish are not social animals. Humans, on the other hand,
are. We trust, we love and we bond. We
are ruled by our emotions and we submit to our feelings.
We are a sum total of our experiences.
Human attachment carries us from cradle to grave. Every
relationship, every friend, and every person that we encounter on the frail
timeline of our existence defines our life- what it has been, will and could
be. I think the piece of information that hit me hardest (with respect to the
Paris attacks) was that most of the people that died in the Bataclan died
because they did not want to leave their friends alone. Cradle to grave, quite literally. Was it wrong for them
to let their attachment get in the way of their own shot at the rest of
their life, or would the survivor’s guilt best them had they not? Of course it
is debatable, but one cannot deny the fact that we are nothing without the
people we love- would we, had we been in their shoes, not done the same?
‘Attachment’ is a word that gets spoken about a lot in the
negative sense. It has been said that attachment causes suffering. But, I
prefer to look at it through the fishbowl- a different perspective. Attachment
creates suffering, suffering creates introspection, introspection creates
empathy, empathy creates love, and love creates the desire to be of service to
others.
There is nothing wrong with emotional attachment as long as
we accept the reality of impermanence. It’s when we resist impermanence that
said ‘suffering’ comes knocking. Since attachment and love go hand in hand,
being afraid of one would mean fearing both. They shall always balance out to
times of happiness and times of hurt. We must understand that it is a very
basic aspect to what makes us human. With every relationship comes a certain
amount of suffering. But that's okay, because there will be suffering in the
absence of the relationship too. The lesser attachment you have does not
necessarily translate to lesser burden you have to carry.
Let us take up the attacks at the Bataclan as an example one last time: -
Questions: Was it stupid to risk one’s life to save another,
or was it honorable to give up a life for a life? Were they not afraid of the
Grim Reapers standing inches away from them, their scythes ready to strike with
moments to spare? Why were they ready to choose to value their emotional
attachment over their own life?
Answers: Everything is impermanent. Except death. Humans
adjust to their life in little fragments of time. They’re introduced to the
concept of Death with goldfish, then they move up to puppies and ancient
relatives, each death closer to them than the last. Death follows us throughout
life, making itself a little more obvious, less ambiguous and more known. It
numbs us until it becomes the only permanent aspect of our life. Attachment and
love transcend that.
The First Noble Truth from Buddha’s teachings: Birth is
suffering; Decay is suffering; Death is suffering; Sorrow, Lamentation, Pain,
Grief, and Despair, are suffering; not to get what one desires, is suffering;
in short: the Five Groups of Existence are suffering.
In the end, that is what makes us human; our attachments,
our desires, our relationships and our intrinsic, undying faith for a better
tomorrow. We may be prisoners of hope, however, it has been said, "There
were hints of sunrise on the rim of the sky, yet it was still dark, and the
traces of morning color were like goldfish swimming in ink."
I love that you brought up the thought regarding how attachment is viewed as a weakness or liability, at best, in today's world. Everyone seems to undermine the word in trying to emulate an impersonal and detached robotic existence that pushes away humanity and all it brings with it.
ReplyDeleteBut empathy and love are what make us, Homo sapiens, capable of mitigating the damage we have caused and not the other way around. No one says that any more, and am glad you did.
Thank you so much, that absolutely means the world :) I am glad you resonate with the same thoughts and feelings. And I hope that for the greater audience, this changes with time. Thanks again.
DeleteMy darling Ankita,
ReplyDeleteThis time you have truly outdone yourself. I love the depth of your introspection marinated in worldly wisdom. So proud of you!
My darling Ankita,
ReplyDeleteThis time you have truly outdone yourself. I love the depth of your introspection marinated in worldly wisdom. So proud of you!