A Life for a Life: The Goldfish Theory

Une vie pour une vie. 

I’ve been trying to find the words to express how devastating the events of last weekend in Paris, Beirut, Lebanon (and the world) have been. But, like most of us, the only emotion one can feel at the moment is that of utter helplessness. Anger, frustration, sorrow and fear are all secondary. It is extremely difficult to be optimistic when the world is falling apart around you, no longer the safe haven it was in your mind. We have no choice but to accept the reality of these very horrors- the crack in the glass fishbowl.

There is nothing poetic and beautiful in loss. The romanticism of sorrow by poets and authors makes a mockery of life. Sorrow is not beautiful. But what it brings out from within a writer- that is what’s beautiful. I’ve been trying to string together words to express the emotions I feel, in support of all of us fighting the war for peace. Words may be a powerful weapon; especially words of solidarity- but these words mean so little when we’re a little too late. These words will not bring back all the lives lost. These words will not heal the hearts that bled for the loss of their loved ones. However, these words shall be an ode to humanity and all the beliefs that it stands for. These words shall represent why we all need each other now more than ever.

Life is life and fun is fun, but it's all so quiet when the goldfish die.

— West with the Night, Beryl Markham

Once upon a time, there lived two goldfish in a fishbowl. They kept swimming just as Dory had instructed them to. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Round and round in circles they went- a story with no beginning, middle or end. They were like flashes of love in a mirage of gold. They were on an adventure! They weren’t lost in that drop of the ocean; but they were finding themselves. Most of the time, though, they were concerned about their own lives- exploring the ornamental bridge, playing in the gravel and watching out for driftwood.         Goldfish don’t get lonely. Many of the longest living goldfish had lived perfectly happily alone in aquaria. But in this particular fishbowl, lived two goldfish like no other. They had each other’s presence to enjoy- but it wasn’t enough. It could never be enough! But, it just so happened to be enough to keep each other from drowning. And, like waves, their energies ebbed and flowed from one tiny goldfish heart to another-to never once step out of the beat. And the two goldfish circled the fishbowl, in a never-ending chase, happy to be going nowhere.

We are the two goldfish. The world is our fishbowl.

Goldfish are not social animals. Humans, on the other hand, are. We trust, we love and we bond.  We are ruled by our emotions and we submit to our feelings.

We are a sum total of our experiences.

Human attachment carries us from cradle to grave. Every relationship, every friend, and every person that we encounter on the frail timeline of our existence defines our life- what it has been, will and could be. I think the piece of information that hit me hardest (with respect to the Paris attacks) was that most of the people that died in the Bataclan died because they did not want to leave their friends alone. Cradle to grave, quite literally. Was it wrong for them to let their attachment get in the way of their own shot at the rest of their life, or would the survivor’s guilt best them had they not? Of course it is debatable, but one cannot deny the fact that we are nothing without the people we love- would we, had we been in their shoes, not done the same?

‘Attachment’ is a word that gets spoken about a lot in the negative sense. It has been said that attachment causes suffering. But, I prefer to look at it through the fishbowl- a different perspective. Attachment creates suffering, suffering creates introspection, introspection creates empathy, empathy creates love, and love creates the desire to be of service to others.

There is nothing wrong with emotional attachment as long as we accept the reality of impermanence. It’s when we resist impermanence that said ‘suffering’ comes knocking. Since attachment and love go hand in hand, being afraid of one would mean fearing both. They shall always balance out to times of happiness and times of hurt. We must understand that it is a very basic aspect to what makes us human. With every relationship comes a certain amount of suffering. But that's okay, because there will be suffering in the absence of the relationship too. The lesser attachment you have does not necessarily translate to lesser burden you have to carry.

Let us take up the attacks at the Bataclan as an example one last time: -

Questions: Was it stupid to risk one’s life to save another, or was it honorable to give up a life for a life? Were they not afraid of the Grim Reapers standing inches away from them, their scythes ready to strike with moments to spare? Why were they ready to choose to value their emotional attachment over their own life?

Answers: Everything is impermanent. Except death. Humans adjust to their life in little fragments of time. They’re introduced to the concept of Death with goldfish, then they move up to puppies and ancient relatives, each death closer to them than the last. Death follows us throughout life, making itself a little more obvious, less ambiguous and more known. It numbs us until it becomes the only permanent aspect of our life. Attachment and love transcend that.

The First Noble Truth from Buddha’s teachings: Birth is suffering; Decay is suffering; Death is suffering; Sorrow, Lamentation, Pain, Grief, and Despair, are suffering; not to get what one desires, is suffering; in short: the Five Groups of Existence are suffering.

In the end, that is what makes us human; our attachments, our desires, our relationships and our intrinsic, undying faith for a better tomorrow. We may be prisoners of hope, however, it has been said, "There were hints of sunrise on the rim of the sky, yet it was still dark, and the traces of morning color were like goldfish swimming in ink."