Don & Doff

 

As the masks come off, the lines on our faces are not blurry.
But our eyes are.
Words do not exist that can describe the other side of the hospital door. 

As you don, you don the hopes and prayers of thousands of people- the patients you are about to tend to, their mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, children, grandchildren, best friends…but also your own loved ones, and the fear they have for your safety. 

As you don hospital gowns and makeshift PPE, you don an extremely heavy weight on your shoulders-

Because textbooks and research papers taught us the theory of how to heal, but not for an enemy this unknown. 

You don your own prayers too. 

There are good days-in fact, best days. 

You’ve done your part, and the Universe has done its. There is no unnecessary suffering and your Ward has sunshine and Life in it- 

A 23-year-old watches Netflix, 45-year-old Uncle plays Kishore Kumar songs that echo from one side of the floor to the other. 

No one seems to mind the lack of his earphones- especially not the 67-year-old aunty right at the other end, sipping her 2nd cup of coffee for the day. 

But that’s just one shift on one day in one ward in one city in one state in one country that did not struggle to breathe. 

And just as a coin flips, its face may change. But it remains the same coin. 

The bad days are in fact, the worst days. 

Of Unsaid goodbyes, of phone calls with no words exchanged, of paperwork and Summaries that describe the end of A life but by no means the Life they once lived.

They call it “Baptism by Fire” for us young doctors fresh out of the oven, who start our careers this way,

But we did not ask to be Doctors of War, because-

When we doff, we doff contaminated scrubs, exhaustion, aching bones, dry mouths, fatigued and dehydrated souls. 

But we cannot doff the thoughts of the patients we carry over to our comrades doing the next shift. 

We cannot doff the prayers we pray in the middle of the day/night for their well-being…the world’s well-being. 

We cannot doff the responsibility…and neither should you. 

Because we see it on the other side. 

The gripping trepidation of fleeting mortality. 

And the price we have to pay for it. 

But we don Hope, and we doff Fear. 

We don Empathy, and we doff tears. 

That the world will be a playground again. 

And the masks will come off, and we’ll see each other Smile again.