A Letter from the Rain

A Letter to Anyone who feels like they want to hold on to something that Life wants them to let go of.

"Oh, the pain. The pain. It always rains. In my soul."

- John Green, Paper Towns. 

Dear Reader,

When you want to hold on to a dream or a love for anything, and you feel like the world wants you to walk away but you want to stay, I know how it feels. And I think everyone does. I know you feel like the X you drew on a map so many years ago, seems further than ever. I know you feel like you cannot appreciate yourself, no matter how hard you try because your efforts do not seem enough. I know all these things because I know the look in your eyes, the look of tamed frustration of holding on to something that does not want to be held on to. I too understand what it feels like to burn with the fiery desires that man possesses and get burnt. I too understand what it feels like to have that heart made of firewood have its flames doused by the suddenly ever-present rain. I too have questions, doubts and uncertainties. Questions that seemingly have no answer, doubts that want to pull at your strings of hope until they snap and uncertainty that wishes you would move on to something more stable. You, reader, are not alone. And we do have a solution, in that; we may revel in entropic peace. Bear with me, the rain falls through my heart, and I'm simply trying to stop it from crumbling. 

I think it’s the literal rain, an accompaniment to the drizzle of ideas and the hurricane of emotions that always makes melancholy more poetic that it actually is. Or, maybe it’s because when life pulls the trigger, it’s your own tears that comprise the rain that falls as dead bullets. That is not terribly surprising. The Universe thrives on War and Life just so happens to be your personalised battlefield. In many ways, you, reader, have known all this time that a white murder was not too far along. The death of a dream you dreamed, a love you loved, a wish you wished or a belief you believed. Loss in any form is agonizing. That’s where the rain comes handy. In my mind, it gives the most beautiful explanation of this particular situation:

You can feel yourself break. But it’s not a clean break; it’s not a clean fracture. It’s louder. It’s the sound of rain in the most powerful thunderstorm you’ve been trapped in. Thousands of raindrops on roses, but they resemble thorns. Oh and the rain is strong; the drops relentlessly hit against you, and the feeling is debilitating. They shatter a part of you into billions of tiny pieces that you cannot put back together by yourself.

I know you wish things were different. Everyone does. But you have to stay strong and you have to keep holding on, if it’s what you believe in. Hold on, despite the pain that comes from the ropes cutting into your skin. Hold on, despite the storm tearing at the billowing sails of your ship. Hold on, without a care for what the world has to say to you because that’s the kind of person you are. You drew the world around yourself because you believed in it. And you
 cannot let ‘Life’ tear it apart. Hold on not for the insecurities you have of the implications, hold on for the connection you possess with your dream. Hold on, not for false hope, hold on for true love. Hold on because you know of nothing else but holding on until you change Life’s mind. It is possible and it’s not. We have to be open to all possibilities. But, hope is never lost. Hold on to it. Hold on to yourself.

If you have to let go of something, Let go of the questions. One day, they shall be answered. Let go of doubts. Your doubts can someday be rectified. Don’t doubt yourself, your fire shall burn again if you let hope fuel it. I know it’s hard right now, but in case things don’t work out, I promise uncertainty can be made certain. You may have to live with the pain for a while, but wear it proudly. It simply makes you more human. Let go of the despair and remind yourself to love and love and love yourself. Hold on to the power of your heart, and feel it beat not just for itself, but for the love of your dream. Hold on to that. That’s all that matters.

Try to let yourself smile a little when it rains.

Love,

Someone who understands how it feels.

P.S. Medical students, sending good vibes @NEET for y’all.